Please Hammer, Stop Hurtin' Me

I have decided to take a break from solving integrals and area about the x-axis equations to tell another short story. Skip ahead a couple of years from my last story of lip biting failure to a now much smarter young geek. By this point I had learned trying to act as a sexy lady from a soap opera is very rarely, if ever, going to earn you the chick you swoon for. I decided to focus more time on what to wear in order to try and "win the girl". Sadly for me, once again I was lead astray by who I thought I should take advice from. I had an obsession with MC Hammer's music and knew every song off of "Please Hammer, Don't Hurt Em'". I knew a lot of other people loved him too and he was easily the coolest dude I have ever witnessed on television. So who better to try and dress like? Well it seems that a very short and very skinny white kid in a very ethnically, diverse community wearing baggy ass Hammer pants and sporting a Nike "Swoosh" symbol shaved in the back of his head does not get the same amount of cool points as a tall, fine dancing black man gets dressing that way. I did not hold onto this style for long however as I was a very fast learner of things that should not be clung to in my life. Yes I made the terrible decisions again and again, but I almost always recognized my mistake fast enough to avoid gaining the label of "that scrawny wigger" or "that gay lip biter" or any nickname for that matter that didn't have something to do with my first or last name. I think along with the negative reception I earned from my peers with my Hammer style, coupled with a skit done by Mad TV, my Hammer days were over and done with quickly. The skit I am referring to was so devastating to my heart strings that I never again could listen to a Hammer song without reliving the sad moment. In the skit, they had one of their comedians pretend to be MC Hammer and with the extremely baggy pants; he started to dance on an elevated stage with a series of other dancers. They did this while butchering one of his songs with terrible singing. After a few seconds of the dancing, the baggy pants caused the MC Hammer impersonator to trip over his self and go down off of the stage taking all of his dancers with him. I was so enraged! I remember wanting to change the channel but couldn't because I was so shocked that anyone would make fun of such an amazing and cool dude. After about thirty seconds of anger, it subsided and I just sat and cried for a while. I didn't watch Mad TV for a couple of months and I never again listed to "Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em'". It only took a short time for me to look back and realize how hilarious it was that I was so upset over comedians doing what they do to everyone they impersonate, and I was able to forgive what happened and move on in life. As for today, the fact that I could ever shed a tear in the first place over MC Fucking Hammer is about the most pathetic thing I have ever done. And the list of pathetic moments in my life is exponential!